Loser...

i think i'm a loser...
i haven't been any lower all my life...
hard as i try, i can't seem to reach that optimistic, happy person i used to be..
its like the old me decided to hang up and retire into the recesses never to emerge again..

just when i thought the new journey would be so much easier to travel, with support along the way, the difficulties are mounting, largely owing to insecurities..
i often wonder how i came to be this pessimistic person.. i once was happy.. at the littlest things.. but now? life is such a drag..
i don't talk much.. my heart is permanently sunken..
there are certain points in life when u think it could and Should not go any lower, but it has its way of telling u not to be complacent..

as of now, i associate well with Greenday's Boulecvard of Broken Dreams...(edited to editor's situation)

i walk a lonely road, this new one that i've come to know..
don't know where it goes but its home to me and i walk alone..
i walk this empty street on the boulevard of misleading dreams..
where the city sleeps and i'm the only one and i walk alone......

i think that for everyone out there, there are 3 types of people that every single person will encounter...
one - the angel.. saviour, grounding agent.. -- mostly mothers..
two - the devil.. takes away ur conscience and instigates u to commit mortal sin.. -- mostly (fill in the blank)
three - lovetohate/hatetolove.. someone who's not out to harm u but puts u in harms way.. and at the last moment saves u.. whether or not on purpose.. --basically ruins ur life whether or not intentionally...

am trying hard to keep the spirits up.. the soul one not the alcoholic one...

at the end of the day, we all know that there's no free lunch..
i want out! but on the boulevard, there are not exits.. just left/right turns, detours or forward travels.. unless of course u crash and burn along the way...

well well.. talk abt pessimism...
i still want out!